Sermon Series: Sermon on the Mount: Leveling the Field of Faith

The Life and Death of a Marriage 

Matthew 5:31-32 & Mark 10:2-9

PSBC 3/5/00 

In a nutshell: Jesus addresses two things in this passage...What is God's view of marriage? And What ends a marriage in God's eyes?

I. Introduction

A. "Rent" illustration

A friend of mine recently told me about a jewelry store in Orange county that now rents wedding and engagement rings, in addition to selling them. That's probably the best commentary on the state of marriage in our country, today, that I've heard.

We are fast approaching the place where one out of every two marriages in our country will wind up in divorce. And that goes for Christian marriages as well as non-Christian marriages. Statistically there is no difference. Friends, this is a tragedy!

Well, friends, in our study in the Sermon on the Mount, we've come to the place where Jesus addresses this issue of Divorce. To help us in our understanding, I'm going to have you look at two different times when Jesus touched on this subject. One being here, in the Sermon on the Mount, and the other at a time when Jesus was questioned directly about it by some Pharisees.

Now, because it is shorter and will fit on the screen better, I've put the words from the Sermon on the Mount up on the screen for you...

Matthew 5:31-32 31 "It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

B. This could be painful

Now, friends, as we get into this subject of divorce this morning, I think it is very important that we understand something that Jesus was very aware of when he said these words. This is a very painful subject to address–both for people on that Judean hillside more than 1900 years ago, and for some people in this room this morning.

You see, divorce and bad marriages aren't just a 21st century problem. The people of Jesus day , who were sitting on this hillside listening to His words were living in a society where divorces were at an all time high. Listening to Jesus' words... –There were people who had gone through divorces that never intended to get a divorce when they were first married. –There were people who were victims of abusive relationships. –There were people who had been responsible for the abuse in a relationship. –There were parents and grand parents and spouses and former spouses and children who were all living with the broken-ness and regret and shame and loss because they had been touched by divorce somewhere in there family situation.

And the same is true for many of you this morning. This could be a painful subject as you reflect on the circumstances of your life. But I want you to know at the outset of this message, that we stand in judgment of no one's past or present this morning. Rather, as your pastor, I want each one of you to understand and value what God values. Then based on knowing what God values, have you live accordingly from this day forward.

C. Two Questions to Keep in Mind

As we get into this subject, we are going to see that there are two questions that Jesus answers in this passage. And we'll use them to guide us in our study....

1. How does God view marriage?

2. What can kill a marriage?

II. How does God view marriage?

So, let's look at that first question. For the answer to that, let's look at a parallel passage to what we have in Matthew 5, and I'm going to ask that you turn to Mark 10:2-9 (p. 1570 in large print Bibles): Mark 10:2-9 2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" 3 "What did Moses command you?" he replied. 4 They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." 5 "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. 6 "But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female.' 7 `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

A. What Moses really said

Now, the Pharisees' answer to Jesus' question, "What did Moses say?" is interesting. Because Moses wrote all five books of the Pentateuch: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. And instead of viewing everything that Moses taught, they just zeroed in on something that suited their wants.

They were referring to Deuteronomy 24...

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

In His answer to the Pharisees, Jesus acknowledges that there is a teaching about divorce in Deuteronomy 24. But His point is that this doesn't mean that God is advocating divorce. Rather, God acknowledges divorce is inevitable in a society populated by sinful people, because their hearts are hard. So, God provides a safety net, primarily for women in these situations, in two ways....

1. First, in ancient times women were regularly used and abused in terrible ways by most men. Consequently, what God forbade was for a man to merely grow angry with his wife on a whim, throw her out in the street, and say, "I'm done with you, the marriage is over–get out of here," leaving her penniless, and without any explanation of the reason for the divorce.

So Moses wrote that the man had to file a legal document stating his reasons, and at least give the woman the protection of being able to say, "My marriage has officially ended, and I can prove it."

2. Second, God forbade a man from divorcing his wife..., giving her away to marry another..., and then taking her back again. This was to keep men from treating their wives as slaves. He couldn't just shuttle her off to someone else, and then take her back, at his whim. The law insisted that if you ended your marriage, you had to say good-bye forever to the relationship.

Illustration: I remember a USA Today report a few years ago, about an Albanian gambler, who bet his wife on a World Cup soccer match. He lost the bet, and his wife had to go off with the man who won the bet.

Moses words in Deuteronomy 24, were intended to raise the view of marriage above such behavior.

You see the laws that the religious leaders are citing to Jesus, really are not advocating divorce. They are really a way of limiting it and strengthening the cause of women who were involved and who would have been left defenseless otherwise.

B. The God-given life of a marriage

However, instead of discussing at great length the paperwork involved in divorce, what Jesus does is go back to Moses' account of the creation of marriage itself. He forces the Pharisees to answer the question, "What did God intend by establishing marriage?

Illustration: Take a minute to consider a parallel. When human life comes into existence, there are two sets of chromosomes that are brought together in a woman's womb. The two become one, and a new life is established by a creative act of God. God cares about that life; a human being made in His image means everything to Him.

By referring to Creation in the book Moses also wrote, the book of Genesis, Jesus says that marriage is also a creative act of God. There are two, and then the two are joined together by God himself. The two become one. Something new has entered the created world that never existed before. The marriage itself has a life of its own. And that life is valued by God.

Ephesians 5:31-32a 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32a This is a profound mystery–

Marriage is called "a profound mystery". It is an extraordinary thing, and we will never understand its depth. It involves the joining of our spirit to someone else's. It involves the intertwining of our emotional life with theirs. It involves physical intimacy, taking on a new life together. What God has joined, man cannot separate without having to answer to God for that choice.

Friends, our culture is on incredibly dangerous ground when we trivialize marriage, or define it in any other way. That's the only reason why I believe the vote coming up this week on Proposition 22 is important. It's not important because of some right wing religious agenda, or drawing the line against gays or lesbians, or showing our disgust toward a lifestyle decision. It is because marriage between a man and woman matters to God. It is His creation. It is His mystery. We dare not mess with it!

C. Marriage is Serious Business to God

Illustration: In 1969, I came to Wheaton College as a freshman for just one purpose–to play football. An education was secondary. I had been an athlete in high school, and had lettered in two sports. I even set a record for my high school in the discuss throw. I knew how to train, and how to get into shape for competition. Or so I thought.

You see, nothing prepared me for three-a-day and two-a-day practices in the hot and humid Wisconsin hinterlands where we went for football camp. All I remember doing was going out and running, hitting, running and hitting some more for two weeks before school even started. I was tired, sore and hated football. Nothing in my high school athletic experience had prepared me for the riggers of college football.. I was never so tired, sore, or sick in my life. I had come to school thinking that I was in shape.. I was not at all ready play at the college level. The demands being made were beyond my experience.

But I wasn't alone. There were about 60 other freshmen guys who felt the same way.

Now, knowing that, our coaches could have said, "You know, we can lower the standard for these freshmen. More guys will come out for football that way. They won't be so unhappy and sore, and they'll think better of us if we don't call for as serious an effort from them." But I'll tell you, you don't win college football games by demanding high school commitments.

Of course, what actually happened is that the next year I showed up having prepared much differently. I was in much better shape than I had been the year before. I had learned to take seriously what the coaches intended for us. I had changed my whole mind-set about what we were attempting to do. College-level football is not high-school-level athletics.

In the same way, what we are hearing from the words of Jesus is that marriage is more than high school infatuation or romance. Marriage is more than equal treatment under the law. Marriage is more than visitation rights and insurance rights. Marriage is the ethical big leagues. Jesus is saying that this is the way the Creator made humanity to function best; this is what maleness and femaleness is for. What God has designed and joined, human beings must not separate.

And we are fools if we trivialize or redefined or dismiss what God has said is very valuable to Him.

III. What can kill a marriage?

Now, let's go back to Matthew 5:32, and take a look at something very important. Jesus acknowledges that the new life that a marriage births, can be killed. Matthew 5:32 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

A. Unfaithfulness

Jesus says, the way this new life, created through marriage, can be killed, is by unfaithfulness. If one partner tears themselves from the marriage and attaches themselves to someone else, they have destroyed the oneness of the life that once existed.

Now, that's not to say that forgiveness can't take place and heal a marriage. But most times when unfaithfulness takes place the husband or wife can conclude, just as a widow or widower does, that a the marriage has died.

Friends, the body of Christ needs to understand how tragic this is for the people going through this. This is not the time for judgment in a person's life, but the time for compassion. Those of you who have gone through this experience know that it is something akin to death. There is deep mourning over the loss of the life God created

But Jesus also teaches that despite this tragedy, there is no shame for the abandoned partner. A new marriage can be honorable and entered into without any lingering feeling of disobedience or second class citizenship.

C. What's not a reason

But what is important to our culture and our times is not only what Jesus says, but what Jesus does not say. Because what Jesus does not say is the very thing that our culture promotes. Our culture says, "irreconcilable differences are legitimate grounds for killing a marriage." But differences are not grounds for divorce. Look at the front of your bulletins...

Ray Stedman once said in one of his messages at Peninsula Bible Church...,

Irreconcilable differences are not a good reason for divorce, they're a good reason for marriage. All of us have hard hearts. All of us have stubborn areas that are going to drive us crazy when we attempt real intimacy with our marriage partner. All of us will discover that there are issues in the life of our beloved that we resent and find difficult. Hardness of heart should be repented of when it is discovered. It should be taken to the Lord. Hardness of heart should be the very thing that we find ourselves on our knees together praying about with our partner: "Lord, help us with this! Marriage is hard work. It's difficult and demanding." Difficulties, harsh words spoken at times, deep wells of bad communication, and not knowing how to get along in marriage are all the places where the Lord intends to step in and make us new. Mere difficulty in marriage is not, for Jesus' followers, grounds for divorce.

V. Conclusion

Well, it's time to make some application. Let me wrap this up with two practical points ...

A. Getting divorced is not the unpardonable sin

First, if you blew it in this area, it's not the "unpardonable sin". The scars and the hurt may be around for a long time, because there are always consequences to sin. But God's forgiveness is always immediate and final. It is a matter of handling your sin the right way.

1 John 1:9 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

B. No marriage will be happy all the time.

Second, no marriage will be happy all the time. Whenever two people with a sin nature come together, the sin nature will rear its ugly head from time to time. Or, in other cases, you may not always agree with your partner, and disagreement makes the living situation uncomfortable.

Gary Smalley used to say that if that didn't happen, one of you was probably un-necessary. So, tension or unhappiness at times is a natural part of two people joining together.

But there are right and godly ways to handle those tensions. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 5, 6 and 7, Dr. Bob and Yvonne Turnbull are coming to our church to help us learn to effectively handle the tensions and times of disagreement and unhappiness in our marriages in a Biblical and godly way.

Starting next week, you'll have to opportunity to begin registering for this "Celebration of Marriage" seminar weekend. Details are in last week's and this week's bulletin. Please don't blow this off. Don't trivialize the importance of this seminar. This is of crucial importance to help you make the life of your marriage as strong and healthy as possible.

C. The End

Pastor Jerry Kirk wrote this observation in a recent issue of Leadership magazine... "I have seen resurrection in marriage after marriage when the persons became genuinely convicted by their sin and did not see divorce as an option."

Let's commit to making our marriages and the marriages of the church family at Palm Springs Baptist Church as strong as possible..., and as honoring to God as possible..., from this day forward. 

Amen.