What's Holding Up Your House? 

1 Timothy 3:4-5 

PSBC 11/14/99

In a nutshell: The way a maturing Christian operates his or her household gives them credibility to be able to lead God's household, the church.

I. Introduction

Illustration: In 1983, I joined the pastoral staff of a large church in Arizona. It was while serving as a pastor of this church, that I was first introduced to the concepts that I've been teaching in this series of messages that I've entitled, Choosing Church Leaders, God's Way.

Every person who was considered to serve as an elder was carefully scrutinized under the microscope of Paul's words in 1 Timothy chapter 3. People were nominated to serve, and approved or disapproved to serve based solely on these criteria.

I'll never forget the first meeting I was a part of, shortly after joining the pastoral team. One of the men had just found out that his 16 year old son had impregnated a girl he had been dating, and at the meeting, based on the passage we are studying this morning, turned in his resignation, and has never served that church again in the capacity of an elder. This church leader felt that because his son had committed such a visible sin with so many serious implications for himself, his family and the girl and her family, that this was proof that he was not managing his own family well. And he believed he was therefore, disqualified from being a leader in the church.

Was he right in resigning? Do the words in verses 4 and 5 of 1 Timothy 3 really teach that? If a child revolts against the faith, or blatantly chooses to lead a sinful life, or simply rebels in inappropriate ways that cause embarrassment and pain... does this disqualify a person from serving as a leader in the church?

We're going to answer those questions and others today, as we look at the qualifications for the home life of Christian leaders, and those who desire to mature in their faith.

Timothy 3:4-5 (p. 1175 in pew Bibles) 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)

II. The Four Key Words or Phrases

There are four key words or phrases that I want to examine closely this morning that in reality are four pillars that need to hold up the family units of our church. These are all found in verse four. By understanding these four words or phrases, we will be able to accurately put together what Paul is trying to communicate to his young pastor friend, Timothy about this important qualification. Then, once we understand what Paul is trying to say, we'll look at an important principle that is found in verse five. Doing these two things will help us make sense as to why God puts such a high priority on this concept.

A. Manages

The first key word in verse four is the word, MANAGES. It literally means "to stand before and practice." It is a military word concerning leadership, but with a very limited application. It doesn't pertain to the overall leadership of a general. It was applied only to the way centurions led their group of 100 men. You see, it doesn't not mean giving orders. It means to do as I do.

Illustration: When I was a student at Wheaton College, ROTC was a required course for all freshmen men. It was during the height of the Viet Nam war, when it was the "cool college thing to do" to be anti-military. So, when you have about 400, 18 year olds, who don't want to be in this course, being required to take it at 7AM, three days a week, and march in companies and squads in the rain, snow and sunshine... our poor squad leaders had a terrible time getting us to do anything right. That is everyone except our squad leader–Bill Long.

Bill was a sophomore. He wasn't gung-ho military, but he was respectful of the program, and respectful of us freshmen guys.

There were eight of us in Bill's squad. We were all klutzes when it came to marching. When we first were taught to march, we banged into each other constantly. When we were give parade rifles to carry, we were like the Three Stooges, literally hitting each other in the head with our guns. Finally, during drill instruction, Bill took us all aside and had us sit down and watch him. He said, "when I say right shoulder arms..., do this" and he showed us. "When I say, ‘about face'...do this", and he showed us. And he continued showing us what to do with each command. Then one by one, he added us to his marching squad. And by the end of one week, he had our squad marching and executing orders so well, that our squad was chosen to represent our school's ROTC program in an intercollegiate meet.

All because Bill took a bunch of uninterested, unmotivated, and klutzy guys and stood before us and gently showed us what to do.

Well, that's the idea behind the kind of management that God values in our homes. Maturing Christian parents are parents who are willing to stand before their families and say, "Watch me, watch my life, and do as I do!" AND, when someone messes up and needs correction, the correction is backed up by example. This style of management is a sign of Christian maturity.

B. Household

The second key word in verse 4 is the word translated in the NIV as "family". But in the Greek this is the word for "HOUSEHOLD". Now, I want you to understand the importance of what this word says.

If Paul wanted to say, "A church leader should manage his or her children well," then he would have used the word for children, which is a different word than household.

If Paul wanted to say, "A church leader should manage his or her personal finances well," he would have used the word for personal finances, which is a different word than household.

If Paul wanted to say, "A church leader should manage his or her property well," he would have used the word for property, which is different than the word household.

And if Paul wanted to say, "A church leader should manage his or her investments well," he would have used the word for investments, which is also different than the word household.

But he chose to use the word HOUSEHOLD. Household means...children, personal finances, investments, and property. All these things make up the idea of "HOUSEHOLD."

Many people who have read these two verses have focused only the one area of household–the children of leaders–and have neglected to understand that Paul is really talking about something much, much larger in scope than just children. Therefore, this has application for any person who is on his or her own–married; single; with, or without children.

Because he's talking about stewardship of everything that is under our care. He is talking about taking care of the details of our personal life. He is talking about how we train our children, if we have them. He is talking about how we treat the money, investments and things that we own.

Illustration: I heard Howard Hendricks from Dallas Theological Seminary speak one time on this very issue. He told the story of a rich Christian man from a blue blood Boston family, and Dr. Hendricks asked him, "How in the world did you grow up in the midst of such wealth and not be consumed by materialism?" The answer he received was this: "My parents taught us that everything in our home was either an idol or a tool for God."

Friends, every thing in your household has one of these two possibilities–an idol or a tool for God. And a maturing Christian man or woman knows how to use what he or she has as a tool for God.

C. Well

The next little word is probably the most rich of all the words in this verse, because it means so much. The word well carries three important implications when it comes to managing our households. Well means we manage...

1. ...with integrity; 2. ... for eternal good; 3.... in a way that is pleasing to the eye.

Let me briefly explain what is involved with each of these...

1. Well means we manage our household with integrity.

Illustration: When I was competing as a weightlifter, I had a chance to talk about steroid and drug abuse to various high school and junior high school audiences in the Phoenix area, as well as a lot of parents whose kids were caught taking steroids to enhance their athletic performance. One time I was invited to a home of a family where the parents were dealing with their son's steroid and drug use. The father was distraught as he described the impact the drugs were having on his relationship with his son. He said, "The thing that bothers me most about his using these drugs is the fact that the drugs have made him a liar." Just then, the phone rang and his wife went to answer it. She came back into the room with the message that the call was for this father. And he told her, "Tell whoever it is, that I'm not at home." At that point I knew, the drugs weren't to blame for the teenager being a liar–the father was.

Integrity in the life of a maturing Christian, starts in the home–it's part of managing our households WELL.

2. Well means we manage our households for eternal good.

Here I'm going to come into conflict with some of you. And I want you to understand that what I'm going to say is only said with the utmost concern for each one of your families in this area of eternal good.

This aspect of the word WELL is not primarily concerned with the quality of life in this lifetime. It is concerned with how our lives and our testimony will impact eternity. That means that a man or woman who would seek to be a leader in the church, or wants to be maturing in his or her Christian faith, will make decisions on how they spend their money and what activities their children will take part in, based on God's values, not the values of the world.

Now let's have the rubber meet the road...

Illustration: A trend that is taking place across the country over the past 15 years is youth sporting events being played on Sundays. At first this trend started only on Sunday afternoons, so families could go to church together. But as participation in church activities has become less important to the average American, the times for practices and events have begun encroaching on traditional worship service times. When I pastored in Upland, CA, just two hours up the I-10, if a child wanted to participate in youth hockey leagues, the only time they played and practiced was on Sundays from 8AM to Noon. Families were forced to choose between church and hockey.

In St. Louis, the only times that certain youth baseball and soccer leagues scheduled their games was on Sunday mornings from 9 AM to 1 PM. And I know we have similar conflicts here in the desert communities.

But, no where in God's Word do I read about the eternal values of ice hockey, baseball or soccer–or any sport for that matter. On the other hand, I read a lot in God's Word about the eternal value of worship, using your gifts for the building up of the body of Christ, and learning the content and the application of what is in the Bible.

Now sports may be a good builder of physical motor skills, of hand eye coordination, of parental pride and even of our children's self-esteem (if they're very good), but does the Bible talk about any of these as being for "eternal good"?

Now, I'm not just picking on sports, because I love sports! I can say the same thing about drama activities and music activities, or any other recreational activity. All of these are fun and have some value.

But when these activities start interfering with what God says is of eternal significance, and you choose the activities of lesser importance over the things of greater importance, then you are not managing your household well, in the sense that Paul is talking about in this application. Have I offended anyone, yet?

The important thing to remember here is that the ability to make right choices that matter for eternity are taught best in the home, by parents who have made decisions for eternal good based on the Word of God, not on contemporary culture.

3. Well means we manage our households so they are pleasing to the eye.

Now, this doesn't mean that your house can't looked lived in, and you kids can't get dirty, and you must look like the perfect mom or dad all the time.

Simply, what it does mean, is that when people from outside your family, look at your practices in running your household–how you discipline your kids; the choices you make through church attendance; the way you spend your money; the activities in which you spend your free time; what you watch for entertainment; etc--are they consistent with a person whose life is supposed to be yielded to the Lordship of Jesus Christ?

It comes back to one of these overarching words that Paul uses at the beginning of this section--is your life above reproach in how you manage your household? Or are there any things that the devil can grab on to, or that people outside or inside the church can grab on to, that will keep you from leading effectively? If there are these handles, then this can cause criticism of your faith, division in the church, and a watered down testimony. And God doesn't want to handicap His church that way.

D. Obey with proper Respect

Now, so far, we have been talking about a HOUSEHOLD in general. But at the end of verse 4, Paul switches to a specific part of the household–children. The NIV translates this phrase, the children of a person who leads God's church are children who "Obey with proper respect." The literal Greek words say, "Obey with seriousness." This is a hard phrase to translate into English, but something that appeared in Ann Lander's column a few years ago hits the nail on the head...

Where Did the Years Go?

I remember talking to my friend a number of years ago about our children. Mine were 5 and 7 then, just the ages when their daddy means everything to them. I wished that I could have spent more time with my kids but I was too busy working. After all, I wanted to give them all the things I never had when I was growing up. I loved the idea of coming home and having them sit on my lap and tell me about their day. Unfortunately, most days I came home so late that I was only able to kiss them good night after they had gone to sleep. It is amazing how fast kids grow. Before I knew it, they were 9 and 11. I missed seeing them in school plays. Everyone said they were terrific, but the plays always seemed to go on when I was traveling for business or tied up in a special conference. The kids never complained, but I could see the disappointment in their eyes. I kept promising that I would have more time "next year." But the higher up the corporate ladder I climbed, the less time there seemed to be. Suddenly they were no longer 9 and 11. They were 14 and 16. Teenagers. I didn't see my daughter the night she went out on her first date or my son's championship basketball game. Mom made excuses and I managed to telephone and talk to them before they left the house. I could hear the disappointment in their voices, but I explained as best I could. Don't ask where the years have gone. Those little kids are 19 and 21 now and in college. I can't believe it. My job is less demanding and I finally have time for them. But they have their own interests and there is no time for me. To be perfectly honest, I'm a little hurt. It seems like yesterday that they were 5 and 7. I'd give anything to live those years over. You can bet your life I'd do it differently. But they are gone now, and so is my chance to be a real dad.

Listen friends, children will obey a parent with proper respect when that parent is a real mom or dad to them when they were growing up– rather than just a roommate or a friend.

III. The Smaller to the Greater principle So what's the point of all this? Paul says in...

1 Timothy 3:5 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)

The point Paul is making here, is what I call the principle of the smaller to the greater. To understand this, take a look at this verse a little farther down in this chapter...

1 Tim. 3:15 15 if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God's household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.

As precious as you view your family, your possessions, your home and your finances, that's the same way God views His church.

The church is God's household. And that's where the principle of the smaller to the greater comes into play. If we are faithful in the smaller things of life, God will use us in the greater things of life. But we must prove ourselves in the smaller things, first. Prove yourself in your household first, then you are qualified to lead His church.

The duty of church leaders is to lead the church of Jesus Christ so that people follow them–not as servants to a master–but like children to a father. John MacArthur put it this way in his commentary on 1 Timothy...(front of bulletin)

A church leader needs to lead like a godly father. It is a father's firmness that makes it advisable for a child to obey. It is a father's wisdom that makes it natural for a child to obey. And it is a father's love that makes it a pleasure for a child to obey.

IV. Conclusion

A. Should he have resigned?

Let me return to my opening illustration about the elder who resigned because of his son's rebellion. Was he right in resigning? Do the words in verses 4 and 5 of 1 Timothy 3 really teach that he should have resigned? In other words, if our kids revolt against the faith, or blatantly lead sinful lives, or simply rebel in inappropriate ways, does this disqualify us from serving as leaders in the church?

My answer to all these questions is a qualified, NO! And I'll tell you why. If a church leader is building his or her house on the pillars of... -MANAGING by living an exemplary life; -Exercising GODLY STEWARDSHIP of everything under his or her care; -Doing these things WELL–with integrity, for eternal good, and above reproach; -and making the children under his or her care a PRIORITY... There are still no guarantees.

Because all of our children, regardless of age, have been born with a free will to accept or reject God, our godly advice, and our example. Some will and some won't.

However, it is a fact that children brought up in a home where adults build their home on these four principles–have a better chance at a right outcome than those who don't.

B. Same is true for the church

And the same is true for people in God's household, the church. This same free will, is going to cause some people in the church to follow the advice and counsel and example of godly leaders, while others won't. But the odds increase dramatically when the leaders in the church manage the "Household of God " well, and apply these principles to their leadership of the church.

C. Personal Challenge

I hope God's Word has caused you to think about, and begin to evaluate, the pillars or values that contribute to the choices you make for your family unit. This evaluation is important for all of us to do, regardless of our age, the size or shape of our family unit, or the ages of our children. This standard of maturity doesn't go away when retirement starts, or with the stage of our marital condition, or when the kids leave the nest. The pillars on which your household is built is of utmost important for any person to examine, who wants to be maturing in his or her faith in Jesus Christ.

If you don't hear anything else today, please grasp these two things this morning..., –Your family unit can't yield to the practices and values of contemporary culture... and –Our church leaders can't yield to the practices and values of contemporary culture... ...if we're going to be useful to God.

In fact, yielding to the practices and values of contemporary culture is exactly what the devil wants to have happen to the families of our church and to the leaders of our church. Everyone of us has to be on our guard, take this issue to heart, and pray for each other!

Amen.