Sermon Series: Getting to Know Jesus 

The Big "D" 

Mark 10:1-12 

PSBC 6/30/02

In a nutshell: The Pharisees asked, What about divorce? And Jesus answered them with, "What about marriage."

I. Introduction

A. Humor

During one of the weddings I performed, several years ago in Upland, there was a very precocious little 7 year old boy, who was the ring bearer. If I remember correctly he was the nephew of the bride. At the wedding rehearsal, the soloist asked me when she should begin singing. And I told her, "After the vows." She wanted a more specific answer, so she asked: "What are the vows? I'll need a cue." And at that point, the little boy turned to the soloist with an exasperated look, and said: "The vowels are A-E-I-O-U. There is no Q!"

B. Vows today

So far this year, I've had the privilege of officiating at three weddings-one of which was my own daughter's and son in law's in January, Tim and Missy's in April, and a "biker" wedding at a church in Tustin. Each wedding was unique. Each one was planned to have special meaning and significance for the bride and groom and their families. But each one had a common denominator-in each one, the vows were the same.

"To have and to hold/ from this day forward/ for better or for worse/ for richer or for poorer/ in sickness and in health/ to love and to cherish/ till death us do part/ or Christ comes again…"

Those are beautiful words. Words of strong commitment. But think about them for a minute. "For better or for worse." I'm sure that most couples today say those words in their ceremonies-but I can't help but wonder…do they mean them? I believe the three couples whom I married this year meant them. But the evidence is that most of their counterparts don't. On the front of your copies of "This Week", I put what an anonymous writer said about marriage today, "Today's marriage vows are none too strong; it's for better or worse, but not for long."

You see, the majority of marriages in the United States today, end in divorce. And that statistic is virtually the same among people who claim to be Christian, as those who don't profess any faith in Jesus Christ. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if every person in this room has been touched by divorce in one way shape or form-whether it be personal, within your family, or with friends.

C. The Church today

It seems that when things get rough, people want out. And they are getting out in ever increasing numbers. So, what do we say to this? What does the church have to say? Unfortunately, all too often the church simply condemns divorce. That's the easiest thing to do. But the tragedy is that in that we all too often also condemn the divorced people, along with the act of divorce. And by doing that, it insulates us from having to grapple with the real people who have gone through a divorce.

But if we are going to be a church that really does…Love, Accepts, Guides, and Partners, then we have to be on the same page with Jesus and the Bible when it comes to this issue of divorce.

My experience has been that too often churches are guilty of twisting the Scriptures to accommodate a particular bias. I've seen some churches raise the standard higher than the Bible, and others that lower it lower than what the Bible says.

At one church I pastored, I was accused by a liberal theology professor of being a "Biblicist". By that he meant that I didn't take into account tradition, theological opinions, or current thought in developing my opinions. Only the Bible. He meant it as a cut. Friends, I wear it as a badge of honor. You see, we have to look past tradition, past theology, and even past human compassion and look only to the Bible-God's Word-for answers to the tragedy of divorce.

And when I go to God's Word, do you know what I find? I find a redemptive word for those who have been scarred by divorce; and a strong word of encouragement for those who want to build strong marriages that last. You see, friends, it's God's desire not only to minister to those who have blown it in their marriages, but also to give practical instruction to those seeking to "divorce-proof" their current marriage. You see, God not only diagnoses the illness in the Bible, He also prescribes the cure. I believe all Christian adults and young people need to hear that word today. And that's exactly what we're going to hear in the passage of Mark's gospel that we'll be looking at this morning. Please turn with me to Mark 10…

II. Jesus Put to the Test

Mark 10:1-2 1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. 2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"

A. Two Schools of Thought

Now, this was a loaded question. The Pharisees were trying to put Jesus in a no win situation, where He would come into conflict with the teaching of the rabbis.

You see, there were two schools of thought about divorce in Jesus' day. Each one was led by a different, highly respected rabbi-either Rabbi Hillel, or Rabbi Shammai.

-Rabbi Shammai taught that divorce was only permissible on the grounds of some sexual misconduct. This was the more conservative of the two views. -Rabbi Hillel, on the other hand, was more liberal. He taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason. If she burned his toast at breakfast, squeezed the toothpaste tube in the middle, put too much salt in his food, showed disrespect to him, or talked disrespectfully of his parents, or spoke to a man on the street, or even let her hair down in public, he could divorce her. In fact, one of Rabbi Hillel's students, Rabbi Akiba even said that if a man found another woman who was more attractive, he could divorce his wife to marry her.

It's not hard to believe that the Rabbi Hillel school of divorce was the most popular in Jesus' day. And that's why the Pharisees were bringing this up. They wanted Jesus to make an unpopular statement to the crowd, and therefore become unpopular with them. Because they knew he would side with the more conservative view. They thought, "Now we've got Him, He's going to discredit Himself."

B. Jesus' Response

So, Jesus responded.

Mark 10:3-4 3 "What did Moses command you?" he replied. 4 They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."

The Pharisees were referring to a verse in Deuteronomy 24, where it says…

Deuteronomy 24:1 1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, (he can) write her a certificate of divorce, give it to her and send her from his house,

Then Jesus did what He was so good at doing. He cut right to the heart of the matter…

Mark 10:5 5 "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied.

The issue was not indecent activity on the part of the woman, the issue was the hardness of the hearts of men. Hardness of heart simply means that a person is going to do whatever he pleases, regardless of what God says. So, understand…the whole reason divorce was permitted was to expose the hardness of people's hearts. And let me tell you, they were especially hard during this period in history. Men were divorcing their wives for any reason at all, while thumbing their noses at God. Then Jesus goes on to reveal God's intention for marriage…

Mark 10:6-9 6 "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Jesus goes way back to creation to point out God's original intention regarding marriage. At creation, God made one male and one female. God didn't create two men; it wasn't Adam and Steve. He didn't create two women; it wasn't Alice and Eve. Nor did God create any extras, incase Adam and Eve didn't work out. It wasn't Adam and Eve, Helen and Steve. It was just Adam and Eve-one man and one woman. That was God's original intent. And friends, Jesus' point is that it is still God's desire for marriage. Jesus doesn't leave any wiggle room on this-God's intent is one man married to one woman until they are parted by death-or Jesus comes again.

-Because of this, verse 7 indicates that the man should leave his father and mother and cleave (or be glued) to his wife, and those two shall become one flesh. -Verse 8 indicates that they are no longer two, but one flesh. -Verse 9 says that God has joined them together and no man should separate what God has joined. This is the divine intention for marriage.

The Pharisees came to Jesus asking Him, "What do you think about divorce?" And Jesus responded by saying to them, "What do you think about marriage?" And in the process, He revealed to them what God thinks about marriage. --two people becoming one, committed to one another, in a covenant relationship which lasts a lifetime.

But we still have the question: What about divorce? -Does Scripture have anything to say about it? Because divorce is real. Divorce happens. -What are there guidelines? -Is there any biblical grounds for divorce? Jesus sets out to answer these questions in the next verses.

III. What the Bible Teaches

Look at verses 10-12…

Mark 10:10-12 10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

A. Biblical Exceptions

In order to understand this passage the best, we have to compare it to the parallel passage in Matthew 19. There, Jesus says virtually the same thing, only He adds what is known as the exception clause. He says in Matthew 19:9…

Matthew 19:9 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Now, adultery in the Old Testament was punishable by death-which obviously, ended the marriage. So, no one would have disputed that marital unfaithfulness was just grounds for divorce.

So Jesus introduces a biblical exception to marriage--marital unfaithfulness.

But notice here that Jesus never commanded divorce for unfaithfulness-He only permitted it. What Jesus is saying is that if a man divorces his wife for anything less than adultery, and remarriage occurs, he then causes her to commit adultery and commits adultery himself.

B. Other teachings on divorce

Well, is there anything else in the Bible on this subject? Yes there is. In 1 Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul addresses this issue in detail from several viewpoints...

1. Single

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

What he's saying here is that if you are single and can remain single, do so. But if you have a need to marry, then that is OK too.

2. Two Christians married to each other

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

Here, he addresses two Christians married to one another. His command is, "Stay together." There is no good reason to leave. As long as there is no unfaithfulness, stay together.

Now, what's interesting is that he does make a provision for a separation. And in fact, the Bible does not anywhere teach that the wife has an obligation to stay in a home with an abusive man, or a man with an abusive wife who threatens his or her physical welfare or the welfare of the children. But if he or she leaves under those circumstances, one of two things has to happen: either reconciliation has to take place, or you remain unmarried. There is no biblical reason why two Christians should divorce.

3. Mixed marriage

Then Paul addresses the issue of a mixed marriage-that is a Christian who is married to an unbeliever. Now these mixed marriages could happen in a couple of ways. Two unbelievers could be married, and then later one becomes a Christian. The second way is that a believer could marry an unbeliever in direct contradiction to the Scriptures.

You see, the Bible teaches that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. That is God's command. It is not something put there to make feel miserable. In fact, it is put there for our own good. God is trying to save us the misery of being locked into a marriage with someone who is fundamentally different from us, whose values are different, whose outlook on life is different, and whose goals are different.

Let me encourage you and plead with you-do not be foolish enough to marry an unbeliever. While it is possible for God to do something to save that person, there is no guarantee it will happen. And you may be condemned to a life with a lot of misery. Well, let's look at what he says about mixed marriages…

1 Corinthians 7:12-15 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

This isn't very complicated. Paul is very familiar with the teaching of Jesus, and under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, expands the exception from marital unfaithfulness to include desertion by an unbelieving partner. He says, "If you are a believer married to an unbeliever, stay with them. God may save them." And he expands on this in verse 14, where he says, "God may do something. Stay with them as long as they desire to stay with you."

But then in verse 15 he gives us the only other biblical grounds for divorce. When an unbelieving partner leaves a believer, the believer is to let that partner leave. Verse 15 tells us, "A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances;" Bound to what? Obviously, bondage to the law of marriage.

So, to sum it all up, there are only three things that release a Christian marriage partner from a marriage: Number 1 - the death of one marriage partner; Number 2 - sexual unfaithfulness by a marriage partner; and Number 3 - the desertion and divorce by an unbelieving marriage partner. That, friends is the plain teaching of Scripture.

IV. What About Divorce Outside these exceptions

But while those are the biblical grounds for a divorce, what about those Christians who have divorced outside those exceptions?

A. Sin

First, we have to say that it is sin against God, and it is sin against their partner. If there is the possibility, they need to go back and be reconciled to the one they divorced. If not, if one of them has remarried, then they must simply throw themselves on the mercy of God in repentance and ask for forgiveness. In doing that, they must admit to God that their actions are what they are-sin. There was no biblical reason for it, and there is no excuse.

But at the same time, let me add that the sin of divorce is no different than any other sin. It is not the "unpardonable" sin. And to make it otherwise is to commit the sin of self-righteous spiritual pride.

B. Forgiveness

But, here's the second thing, friends. The sinner who comes to Jesus in sincere repentance will find forgiveness. And the rest of us must forgive those whom God forgives.

It is sad, but in some churches, you can be forgiven of murder, but not divorce. I want you to know that God can heal and restore divorced persons and can use them in His Kingdom…, not as second-class citizens, but in the same way he uses all saved sinners. Nothing is closed to you.

V. Conclusion

As I bring this to a conclusion, I think it's crucial that I share a few ideas from the Bible to help us divorce-proof our marriages. We've already referred to the fact that God's original intent for marriage was two people joined in a one-flesh union, committed to one another in a covenant relationship for life.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, we have further instruction on the covenant relationship of marriage. I won't take time to read it, but I'd encourage you strongly, to read it this afternoon.

In that passage again, the one-flesh, committed union is emphasized. -There, the husband is told to put aside all selfish ambitions, and submit himself to unconditionally love his wife even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her. -The wife is told to submit to that love. And she's told to respect her husband as he attempts to show her love, because it is the Lord's commandment.

And the key to men being able to do this and women being able to do this… is that they both have to have biblical commitment.

Biblical commitment means… First, I am committed to God: to be obedient to Him, to follow His word, to put Him first in my life. If a man and a woman are committed to God, they have a foundation for a marriage that will be divorce-proof.

Second, I am committed to my marriage partner. Because I am committed to God, I can then be committed to that person. Because I am committed to God's word, divorce is not an option. As a matter of fact, I encourage you to put that word out of your vocabulary-never, never, never use it when you are mad and upset and things are not going well. For the believer, it should not be an option-put it out of your vocabulary.

Christians who are committed to God first and then committed to one another can survive almost any storm.

You may say, "Well, how can I be committed to someone I don't love?" Listen, your love does not make you committed; your commitment makes you to love. If you will give yourself to that mate 100% to be there for them, to be supportive of them, to be their friend, to look out for their interests, to point them to Jesus, to love them, your marriage can work. But it is work. And only commitment can see you through.

We can divorce-proof our marriages if both partners will live according to God's original purpose. As we put Jesus first, and as we both move together closer to Him, we will be pulled closer together. And God will give us a wonderful marriage that is founded upon the rock which cannot be moved.

Amen.