Series: Christmas in 4 Words–

Disappointment Dealing With Disappointment 

Matthew 1:18-25 

PSBC 12/5/99

In a nutshell: Life brings disappointments. Disappointment occurs when our hopes or expectations are not met. Christians have the ability to meet life's disappointments by following the example of Joseph when he was disappointed with Mary's pregnancy--be merciful; be patient; keep focused on God's plans.

I. Introduction

A. Murphy's Laws

After making several bone-headed decisions that really stepped on some people's toes in my first church, I realized one of the things seminary had not prepared me with was a good dose of wisdom. So, I went to my senior pastor, and asked him very sincerely, "How do I acquire wisdom?" He told me two things. First, he suggested that I read a chapter from the Bible book of Proverbs every day for one year. Since there are 31 chapters in the book of Proverbs, he suggested that I match each chapter with each day in the month, and read that Proverb chapter on that particular day. It was a good spiritual exercise, and one that I recommend to any young person who wants to gain godly wisdom.

The second thing he told me to do was to begin gathering wise sayings, and file them in a way that I could retrieve them when I felt the need for wise council. So, since 1977, I have been a collector of wise sayings from history, literature, modern bumper stickers and a whole lot of other sources. One of my favorite collections of human wisdom is a group of sayings that have become increasingly popular over the last several years. They come from a variety of sources, but they are all lumped together under the heading of "Murphy's Laws". Here's a sampling of some of Murphy's wisdom...

* Nothing is as easy as it looks; everything takes longer than you think; if anything can go wrong it will. * Murphy was an optimist. * A day without a crisis is a total loss. * The other line always moves faster. * The chance of the bread falling with the peanut butter and jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. * Inside every large problem is a series of small problems struggling to get out. * Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. * No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. * Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. * The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before. * You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away. * Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. * The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train. * Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

Now, when it comes right down to it, Murphy's Laws are really not so much wisdom to live by, as they are ways of preparing ourselves, and insulating ourselves from various disappointments that naturally occur to every human being.

As you probably know, disappointment occurs when our hopes or our expectations are not being met in the way we think they should be met. Individuals can disappoint us, circumstances can disappoint us, groups of people can disappoint us. Disappointment is something that every one of us faces–not just once, but throughout our lives.

B. Typical reactions to disappointment

Depending on your personality type and your emotional maturity, there are a variety of typical reactions to disappointments...

1. Anger. "I don't like what's happening. Circumstances are not meeting my expectations. I'm ticked off. I'll blow my top and lash out at the cause of my disappointment, and probably do something socially and Christianly inappropriate."

Illustration: I've done this on a few occasions. I can remember in college, I owned a 1962 Chevy Impala. It was a great looking car, and normally very dependable. But as with all old cars, things wear out and need to be replaced. Well, the neutral safety switch was starting to give me problems. The neutral safety switch is that thing connected to your automatic transmission shifter that will only allow you to start your car when the transmission is in neutral or park. As mine was going out, you could initially get the car started by turning the key in the ignition and sliding the shift lever up and down until the thing connected, and off you went. This was happening intermittently on my Chevy. But one Sunday, after church, during the cold winter of January, no matter how much I moved that shifter, the car wouldn't start. I was disappointed, I had to meet someone after church and I couldn't get there. So, I got angry, and I slammed the shifter upwards, and broke off the shift lever from the steering column. Not a very appropriate way of handling disappointment. And an expensive one at that!

Anger is not a particularly godly way to handle disappointment.

2. Withdrawal. Other personality types deal inappropriately with disappointment by withdrawing from the situation or the people who seem to have caused the disappointment.

Illustration: When I was an Associate Pastor for Christian Education in Wheaton, Illinois, we went through a Sunday School curriculum evaluation for our Early Childhood and Children's divisions at the church. The curriculum we were using was published in the same town as our church was located. Many of the employees of that publishing company were part of our church.

But when the evaluation committee voted overwhelmingly to change to another company's curriculum, two of my teachers who worked for that local publisher, resigned, and withdrew from involvement in the children's ministries. They were spiritually gifted and qualified teachers, the children in their classes over the years, loved them. And they loved to teach Sunday School, and had done it for many years. But they were disappointed with the decision to change. And unfortunately, they handled their disappointment by withdrawing from all contact with the Sunday School program.

Here' the really unfortunate thing... just because they were hurt because it was decided that another publishing company's material was better than theirs, a huge group of children in that church lost out because those two excellent teachers were no longer teaching them God's Word.

Withdrawing is not a good way of handling disappointment, either.

3. Vengeance. A third way to deal with disappointment is to exact vengeance from the group or individual who disappointed you. Again, personality types will dictate what kind of vengeance is sought in certain circumstances. Some people will be sneaky about vengeance–we call that "passive-aggressive". Others will be violent. A popular phrase has been coined to describe this today. It's called "going Postal". Because of the several incidents involving postal employees who have shot co-workers and managers out of frustration and anger.

Illustration: There is a true story that came out of Scranton, New Jersey, just four years ago. It seems a young man saw a newspaper ad for "an almost new" Cadillac for $150.00. The young man called the number listed and asked the lady, "Is this a misprint?" "No," she assured him, "it isn't." "Well, what's wrong with the car?" he asked. "Nothing," she replied. Mystified, the young man asked, "Why are you selling it so cheap?" "Well," the woman responded, "my husband just died and his will specified I was to sell the car and give the money I got from the sale of the car to his secretary." So, that's what I'm doing.

That's one of those stories that make us laugh at vengeance. But most of us are very aware of what the Bible teaches about vengeance in...

Rom 12:19 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. (NAS)

That's why vengeance can have no place in the life of a person who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ. It is not an appropriate or godly way of handling disappointment. Vengeance is God's job, not our's.

C. Christmas and disappointment

Well, Christmas time is talked about as being a time of joy, and it certainly can be...–but to a lot of people, it can also be a time of disappointment. Disappointment with the gifts we receive. Disappointment that we can't be with certain friends or with family at Christmas. Disappointment we don't have more money to buy presents. Disappointment because people or events or experiences of the season don't meet our expectations. Yes, even Christmas time can be a time of disappointment.

When we read the Gospel accounts of the first Christmas almost 2000 years ago, we usually imagine with awe and excitement, the scene of the angels and shepherds and wise men coming to worship the Christ child.

But in this mind set of awe and excitement we can easily forget that at least one person initially greeted the news of Jesus' impending birth with a profound sense of disappointment.

D. Joseph's disappointment

Turn in your Bibles to Matthew 1, and look at verse 18...(p. 955)

Matt. 1:18 18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.

Now, at this point of the story, Joseph and Mary were engaged to be married. They had had no sexual relations. However, in the Jewish culture of the day, the engagement period or betrothal period (which usually lasted a year), was considered to be the same as if the two people were married. They were even called husband and wife during this period of time. So, it took a divorce to end the engagement. Now, look at the next verse...

Matt. 1:19 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

Can you imagine how disappointed Joseph must have been to find out that his true love–the women he was planning to spend the rest of his life with–was pregnant...And he wasn't the father! He had trusted Mary! The future mother of his children looked to be a woman of low morals and "sluttish" behavior! Friends, let met tell you, that's disappointment.

But what I want you to grasp this morning is how this man, Joseph, the carpenter from Nazareth, handled this bitter disappointment. His example is a good one for us to follow as we deal with the disappointments that come in our lives.

II. Dealing With Disappointment

A. By his example we learn to be merciful when disappointed.

As a Jewish man at that time in history, Joseph had two options: He could publicly divorce Mary and make a public spectacle of her (that's a form of withdrawal from the situation), or he could have her stoned to death (that's extreme vengeance) (see Deut. 22:23-24). Because she had presumably committed adultery, those were the two most common options available to him. But look at what Joseph chose to do instead...

Matt. 1:19 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

Friends, understand what Joseph chose to do–he could have vindicated himself by publicly withdrawing from the marriage, or he could have gotten his vengeance to salve his wounded ego. But instead he chose to show MERCY. Mercy means, "a decision not to inflict harm, even when it is deserved."

Illustration: There is a story about a mother who visited Napoleon on behalf of her condemned son. The emperor told the woman that her son had committed the same offense twice, and justice demanded the death penalty. "But sire," she pleaded, "I don't ask for justice--only for mercy." "He doesn't deserve it," said Napoleon. "No, he doesn't," answered the man's mother, "but it would not be MERCY if he deserved it." "You're right!" said the emperor, "I'll grant your request and show him mercy!"

A righteous person handles disappointment with mercy–not justice, not vengeance, not withdrawal.

B. By his example we learn to be patient when disappointed.

The second thing we can learn from Joseph regarding handling disappointment is found in the beginning of verse 20...

Matt. 1:20 20 But after he had considered this...

How long Joseph considered this we don't know, but the implication is that he didn't make a quick decision. And that in and of itself is a second very good thing to remember from Joseph's life when we are disappointed–we should act patiently.

God never is in a hurry and neither should we. Often when we act hastily, we live to regret our decisions.

Illustration: We can't be like the preacher who quit the ministry after 20 years and became a funeral director. When asked why he changed, he said: "I spent 3 years trying to straighten out John and John's still an alcoholic, then I spent 6 months trying to straighten out Susan's marriage and she filed for divorce, then I spent 2 ½ years trying to straighten out Bob's drug problem and he's still an addict. Now at the funeral home when I straighten them out -- they stay straight!"

The natural human tendency is to want.. –a quick fix to life's disappointments... –to make a quick decision when we are disappointed... –to try to immediately rectify the situation that caused our disappointment. But Joseph's example tells us we need to give God time to work out His plans in our circumstances.

We need to have patience when we are disappointed.

C. By his example we also learn to focus on God's plans

No, look at the last part of verse 20...

Matt. 1:20b 20 ...an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

Friends, don't lose sight of the fact that all these things that were happening to Joseph were not in any way shape or form, the great "Jewish dream" that Joseph had planned for their future.

However, God in essence was saying to Joseph, "Joe, trust me. Do it my way!" And that brings up the third thing we need to remember when disappointments come, we need to focus on God's plans– rather than rigidly holding on to our plans.

As a husband-to-be, I'm sure Joseph had plans to settle down in a cozy little house with a carpenter's shop in the back. He would run the carpenter shop and Mary would keep the books and watch over the household. They would raise a normal family in a normal little town, and someday his sons would take over the business.

But God had different plans. His plans were far greater than Joseph had ever dreamed. Joseph's plans had to be stopped (which led to disappointment) in order for God's plans to move forward.

Did you know that very often when God wants to do something significant in our lives, He will bring circumstances that stop us in our tracks, and can potentially lead to disappointment.

Henry Blackaby, speaks about this in his book, Experiencing God. He calls this a "Crisis of Belief." He writes, (front of bulletin) "The crisis of belief is a turning point or a fork in the road that demands that you make a decision. You must decide what you believe about God. How you respond when you reach this turning point will determine whether you go on to be involved with God in something God-sized that only He can do or whether you will continue to go your own way and miss what God has purposed for your life."

In other words, when we come to that point of being disappointed, we have a choice: we have to chose between believing in God's sovereign and unconditional love for us and the direction His infinite foreknowledge wants to take things, or believe our human and finite view for our life and our circumstances.

Disappointment is often designed by God to help us stop and get the focus back on God's plans–rather than ours.

Illustration: Have you ever watched a pigeon walk? Every morning as I read the newspaper on my patio, I see about 20 of them congregate in my neighbor's yard. They all walk the same way. And it's kind of comical. A pigeon walks the way it does so it can see where it's going. You see, a pigeon can't adjust its focus as it moves, so the bird has to actually brings its head to a complete stop between steps in order to re-focus. This is the way it walks: head forward, step; head back, step. Don't laugh--that's how it goes!

In our spiritual walk with God, we have the same problem as the pigeon does. Our lives become so hectic and frantic and self-focused that we have a hard time seeing where God is working and how He wants to use us in that work. So, disappointment is often useful to get us to stop and... –focus on where we are in our life's journey; –focus on what God wants to do through us; –focus on listening to God's call to join Him where He wants to work–not necessarily where we think it would be best for us to work;

So, disappointments are useful to get us to stop and fine tune our ears to hear the voice of God, and get us back on His agenda, rather than ours.

III. Application

A. Illustration: Defeated or Defeated the Enemy?

It was June 18, 1815, that the Battle of Waterloo took place. The French under the command of Napoleon were fighting the Allies (British, Dutch, and Germans) under the command of General Wellington. In those days, the people of England used a system of signals given from high points across the countryside, in order to tell the outcome of a battle. The signals were spread from station to station by men waving flags. One of these signal stations was on the tower of a Cathedral in London.

Late in the day, the signal man in the cathedral tower started waving his signal flags: the message said, "W-E-L-L-I-N-G-T-O-N- - - D-E-F-E-A-T-E-D- -." As soon as those two words were signaled, a sudden fog cloud came rolling in, and made it impossible to see anything clearly.

So, the news of Wellington's defeat quickly spread throughout the city and the rest of the countryside, as the other signal men picked up the two word message. The whole country was sad and gloomy when they heard the news that their army had been defeated.

But just as suddenly as the fog appeared, it also lifted, and the signal man on top of the cathedral finished the message. You see, the message had four words, not two. The complete message was: "W-E-L-L-I-N-G-T-O-N- - -D-E-F-E-A-T-E-D- - T-H-E- - -E-N-E-M-Y!" It took only a few minutes for the good news to spread. Sorrow was turned into joy, defeat was turned into victory!

Friends, listen to me. Disappointment is going to come into your life. How you handle it will help determine the message of your life: DEFEATED...or ...DEFEATED THE ENEMY.

Being merciful; Being patient; and focusing on God's plans will help you and me DEFEAT THE ENEMY.

B. Transition to Communion

When Jesus was laid in the tomb on the first Good Friday afternoon... hope had died, even in the hearts of Jesus' most loyal friends. After the awful crucifixion and the death of their master, the fog of disappointment and misunderstanding had covered the lives of Jesus' disciples. They saw only part of the Divine message. "Christ Defeated".

But when you analyze the actions of Jesus' disciples during the three days that followed the crucifixion... –You see acts of mercy–no one blamed Peter for his denial of Jesus and no one plotted to attack the Roman soldiers who put Jesus to death. –You see patience–no one left to go back to Bethany or Nazareth or Bethlehem–instead you see them staying together, taking their time in making plans for the future. –And you see them focused on God–bending to obey Him. It says in...

Luke 23:56 But they rested on the Sabbath in obedience to the command of God.

Just think if they had chosen to stay in that fog of disappointment, and left Jerusalem in discouragement and anger. They would not have heard the incredible and wonderful message that came just three days later, when Jesus Christ arose from the dead.

But because they had handled disappointment with -mercy, -patience and -a focus on God, they received the most powerful message ever given to the human race: CHRIST DEFEATED THE ENEMY!

That's what we'll celebrate this morning as we partake in the Lord's Supper.

Amen